When the Field Begins to Breathe

Dreams, Mutuality, and the Living Current of Soulfire

In contemporary depth work—and in the subtle alchemical terrain where dream, psyche, and spirit intermingle—certain concepts cease to be mere theories. They become living realities. Mutuality is one of them.

In recent dialogue with colleagues devoted to the study of therapeutic mutuality and the enlivening of this shared field of consciousness, I found myself writing words that surprised me as much as they clarified something long felt:

Mutuality is no longer a provocative add-on to technique, nor a theoretical position one may choose to adopt or not. It has become the sine qua non of soul tending—psyche-therapeia in its most profound, most enlivened sense.

To work deeply with another human being is to find oneself inside a field—an atmosphere of emergent knowing and unknowing—where neither person’s psyche develops in isolation. The psyche moves relationally. It always has. We are only now learning how to name the process.

Ferenczi intuited this early in the history of psychoanalysis, though his era lacked adequate language for it. Today, through clinical experience and through the expanding horizon of relational and field-oriented theory, many therapists encounter mutuality the way sailors encounter the ocean: Not as metaphor, but as environment.

And dreams—especially shared or field-activated dreams—often bring this truth home.

A Clinical Dream of the Shared Field

A patient recently dreamt she was walking with me through a long adobe corridor, its walls made of desert clay still warm from the sun. She felt anxious—something heavy pressed on her chest—but she sensed I felt it too. Not her exact fear, but its resonance.

In the dream, we reached a room where a single beam of turquoise light pulsed slowly, like a heart. She turned to me and said, “I think the room is breathing for us.”

When she shared this dream in session, something subtle happened. The atmosphere softened; the “third” between us grew warm. She said her fear had shifted—not gone, but transmuted into something more spacious.

This is mutuality as lived experience.

Not disclosure.
Not personal sharing.
Not a technical maneuver.

But the psychic recognition that healing unfolds inside a shared field of experience, one that sometimes dreams for both therapist and patient.

Dreams like this illuminate what words struggle to express: that psyche is relational, energetic, porous—and that transformation often begins in the places where two subjectivities overlap and form something more than either could generate alone.

Mutuality and the Quantum Psyche

Our inherited empirical language—still shaped by early twentieth-century assumptions of isolated minds—cannot fully capture this phenomenon. Yet quantum theory, and especially the metaphoric terrain outlined in The Dancing Wu Li Masters, offers a more flexible lens.

Observation changes the observed.
Participation is inseparable from knowing.
Two energies interacting create a third reality that neither possessed independently.

When applied to the consulting room, this quantum-relational view gives depth therapists language for something we have long felt:

Mutuality behaves like an energetic field.

It is not merely interpersonal; it is field-phenomenological. Evolution in one partner of the analytic pair becomes evolution in the other. Insight moves both ways. The “music,” as one colleague described it, begins to play.

A colleague shared with one of our study groups,

We do not know what our knowing will allow our patients to know—and we do not know what their knowing will allow us to know.

This is not romanticization. It is a sober clinical observation.

It is also the delight and the danger of our work.

How Fiction Teaches What Theory Struggles to Name

My metaphysical thrillers—The Unholy, Goddess of the Wild Thing, and Goddess of Everything all circle around this fundamental truth:

The human psyche does not transform alone.

In The Unholy, Claire’s encounters with ancestral spirits only begin to shift when her own inner world touches the living presence of another who sees her for what and who she is.

In Goddess of the Wild Thing, mutuality becomes a form of psychic resonance—two souls discovering that transformation into what love is and is not happens when energies intermingle and ignite.

In Goddess of Everything, the mother–child bond becomes a dark, distorted mutuality, showing how powerful—and perilous—the shared field can be when misused.

Fiction lets us dramatize this dynamic in ways that clinical prose cannot. Stories help the psyche recognize its own shape.

The Doorway in the Chest

As I continued dialoguing with colleagues, something else became clear. Mutuality is not merely a concept or clinical model. It lives in the body.

From where I find myself now—still stirred by this thread, still feeling subtle refinements taking shape inside me as we process together—mutuality feels like a doorway in the chest.

There is an ache to it.
A tenderness.
A sense of being opened by others and opening in response.

This is why a one-sided psychotherapeutic posture now feels emotionally thin and structurally impossible. It collapses the field back into defensiveness.

Mutuality brings breath back into the room.
It is what makes therapeutic work—indeed, any soulwork—come alive.

And it aligns with an ancient alchemical truth:

Transformation is not mastery.
It is surrender.
Not control, but accompaniment.

The Living Current

Stay close to the warmth that moves through you.
Let the current of soulfire rise and speak.
When it brings pain, stay; when it brings longing, stay.
What flows through the burning is what transforms.
What softens in the heat becomes soul.

Going for the Quick Hit or the Long Haul

Where the Soul Dwells

The quick hit and the long haul—two paths, two distinct currents in the river of life. One dazzles and fades away; the other transforms us from within. Beneath every decision lies the soul. And the soul, when we listen closely, is nothing more and nothing less than whatever we give our devotion to. Essentially, soul is in the choices we make.

Throughout history, mystics have debated where the soul dwells. Some argued it resides in the heart; others believed it lives in the liver, in the breath, or at the crown of the head, where consciousness touches the sky. The Upanishads suggest that the soul lives where our attention rests. Taoist sages express a similar idea but in a more subtle way: the soul lives where we continually return. In other words, whatever we dedicate our attention to—whether a practice, a person, or a moment of presence—that is where the soul takes root.

But it’s not that the soul cares about geography. It doesn’t! It cares about devotion, commitment, and choice.

The Quick Hit: Splash of Water, Flash of Light

A quick hit is a spiritual lightning strike, a sudden splash of cold water that jolts the soul awake. In an instant, the ordinary cracks open and something larger rushes through. It can arrive in a startling dream, during deep meditation, in a teacher’s unexpected insight, or through a mystical moment that rearranges the inner world without warning. For a few suspended seconds—or minutes, or sometimes hours—life becomes translucent. The air feels lighter. Possibility hums. We sense expansion, clarity, a thinning of the veil that usually keeps the unseen out of reach.

And then, like lightning, it’s gone.
Like water on the skin, it evaporates.

Michael Eigen, a respected colleague and writer of psychoanalytic mysticism, once wrote that intense spiritual experiences often come “too much, too fast, too bright”—a rush of revelation that leaves us trembling but without a container to hold what was given. Wilfred Bion, a depth psychotherapist, referred to what he called the mystic verse —the realm of ineffable realities —and advised that when something powerful enters consciousness, our task is not to cling to the feeling but to digest the experience, to metabolize it slowly. The flash is the invitation; the digestion is the work.

Quick hits are valuable. Necessary, even. They open the door. But they don’t carry us through it.

The Long Haul: The Art of Staying

The long haul starts when the intensity fades. There’s nothing glamorous about showing up every day. No magical fireworks. No visions or cosmic shivers or bliss. Just the ordinary act of staying present when our instinct is to look away.

The long haul asks us to do what the quick hit does not: remain faithful to the transformation we glimpsed.

Bion called this tolerating not knowing—the willingness to sit inside confusion and uncertainty without rushing to conclusions or running from discomfort. Eigen expands on this by suggesting that depth is not born from intensity alone, but from the capacity to stay open after the intensity passes. Lightning is dramatic. Soil is patient. Yet the seed grows only in soil.

Transformation is the slow ripening of a once-revealed, on-the-spot, lightning-bolt, splash-of-cold-water revelation.

The Deep Water of Love

Nowhere is this truer than in love. Love is not a quick hit. Love is the ocean—and the ocean, by nature, does not stay still.

A patient once shared a dream of sitting along the pristine coastline of a beach. People had been in the water all day—laughing, floating, diving under the waves—and now, as the sunlight faded into dusk, the sea turned into a sheet of molten gold. The dreamer remained on the shore, watching. They could feel the scent of salt, hear the rhythm of waves, and sense the freedom of those swimming, but they did not enter. They were close to life, yet somehow untouched by it.

For many, that is all that feels possible—touch without immersion, nearness without vulnerability. In love, this can manifest as tasting intimacy without letting it deepen, or experiencing connection while avoiding surrender. Quick touches rather than sustained contact. Sparks instead of warmth.

And still, that proximity is not meaningless. It means something is stirring. The shoreline is not exile; it is an offer, an initiation into the realm of possibilities. But the sea will always call us toward depth.

The Question Beneath All Questions

For over forty years, as a depth psychologist, my research explorations, writings, and practice influenced by quantum field theory and the psychology of consciousness—the shimmering place where science and mysticism peer into the same mystery—keep leading me to a single realization: reality is far stranger and more alive than we imagine. Physicists speak of fields that respond to observation. Mystics speak of the Divine responding to attention. Both describe a world that listens.

But after the awe, another question rises quietly from the depths: If a worldview doesn’t make us kinder, softer, more capable of love, then what purpose does it serve?

The Buddha said, Practice is the path. William James insisted that truth is what proves itself through life. Jung reminded us that we do not become enlightened by imagining light, but by making darkness conscious.

Different cultures, different languages—one truth: it’s our choices, focus on depth rather than surface, and the enduring commitment to the long journey of life and love that transforms us.

Choosing Your Soul’s Home

The quick hit is the spark. The long haul is the fire.

Quick hits are valuable because they wake us. They help us remember what we long for. But the soul grows not through flashes of insight—it grows through the continuity of attention. Through staying with what and who we choose to love. Through learning to swim rather than simply watching the waves.

Every moment of life quietly returns us to this choice: Flash or fire. Shore or sea. Quick hit or long haul.

Where you place your devotion is where your soul will learn to live.

Soul Reflection

Close your eyes for a moment. Take a slow breath in and feel the air enter your body. Let it remind you that every beginning is silent. Every transformation begins with noticing.

Now bring to mind something in your life where you’ve been settling for flashes instead of fire. It may be love, work, creativity, soul practice, or the courage to feel.

Ask—without judgment, without pushing: Where have I remained on the shore? Where does my life ask me to enter the water?

You do not have to plunge in all at once. You only need to take one step deeper than yesterday.

When you breathe in, welcome the spark. When you breathe out, commit to the long swim.

Open your eyes. The water is waiting.

Wild Spirit of the Now

Decades ago, a middle-aged man in depth psychotherapy with me brought a dream pulsing with spiritual tension. In it, he was walking down the busy streets of a large city with his wife, enjoying the freedom and anonymity of vacation.

Suddenly, he was "caught" by members of the fundamentalist religious group he had once belonged to. They recognized him immediately—this former, once-famous preacher—and pressed him into service. There was a large conference just down the block, and they wanted him to preach.

In the dream, he felt a strange exhilaration rise in his chest. He had no Bible in hand, no text of authority, yet he felt a welling of inspiration "rise from deep in my chest." What he would proclaim was not the old gospel of fear and obedience, but a gospel of the Wild Spirit of Now—a wave of pagan, natural energy coursing through him.

In this inspired flow, he felt close to the wild, unmediated Spirit of life itself, "the living Jesus, and all mystics, seers, sages, and seers through the ages" who in unison said, "Follow me." The utterance was not a dogmatic command, but an invitation into daily, authentic being. This dream image dripped with Dionysian freedom, the sacred pulse that shatters rigidity and invites one into the aliveness of the soul.

The religious group, eager to claim him, showed him the house where he and his wife could stay. Inside, it was swarming with bugs—creeping, crawling, an unspoken horror. The church folk were blind to the behind-the-scenes infestation.

He and I both felt the power of the symbolism rise in the session. The infested house stood as the psyche under authoritarian control, the inner life made unclean by repressive dogma, the soul swarming with the restless vermin of suppressed vitality. It was a place of psychic death, a hall of contamination masquerading as holy. To lay his head down there, to enter this kind of sleep, would be to re-enter a state of unconsciousness, enslavement to old patterns.

At the last moment, he turned away. He did not enter the hall of preaching. He did not regress, step into the house of infestation. Instead, he vacated the realm of the dead. He turned and walked away with his wife. They chose the beat and pulse of the living city. The atmosphere in the dream, he reported, glistened. They entered an unbounded vacation of the soul.

This movement felt like a baptism not in water, but in the free-flowing current of the Self. It asserted itself as a choice for life over lifeless forms, for the soul's alchemy over the stale repetition of inherited patterns.

In our therapeutic reflection, he sensed he was stepping across a threshold in his own psychic journey. The dream was a summons from the deep Self, the archetypal source of his freedom and vitality, urging him to renounce the infested psychic houses of the past and to live in the luminous immediacy of his own unfolding path.

Yet, just as the session glowed with this sense of breakthrough, a shadow fell. His eyes drifted downward, and a subtle heaviness entered the room, as though the air itself thickened. He confided that a sudden wave of doubt had seized him—an almost physical sensation of contraction in his chest. A voice coming from inside him, that of a deceased clergyman he had once admired and who had mentored him, insisted that his freedom was an illusion, that the old religious dogma could not be outpaced.

It was as if a cold wind had blown through some invisible doorway. I felt it too, a shift in the field between us. A summoning of dark spirits, or old psychic complexes, crept in unannounced, seeking to reclaim the ground the soul has just won.

He sat in that stunned quiet for a few moments, staring into a space only he could see. I remained quiet, allowing his psyche to do its own sorting through. His hands trembled slightly, as if the numbing current of the old spell was trying to reclaim him.

We were at a point of relapse—the chronic pattern of self-doubt, a spectral chorus of inner accusers demanding he return to the bug-ridden house of his past.

Yet in our shared awareness, something deeper held. He slowly named what was happening, reclaiming his voice: "It's like something doesn't want me free… it wants to pull me back." By witnessing and naming the visitation, the energy began to shift again, the numbing spell receding like mist under sunlight.

The session ended with the felt truth that the battle was real, the forces tangible, and that remaining awake to the Wild Spirit of the Now was at once his challenge and his liberation. Together, we learned to navigate these thresholds. Freedom would surge like a river in spring, only to be shadowed by the sudden return of darkness. Over the years, the light grew steadier. The old complexes weakened, and the call to live in fidelity to his wild, free Self became the guiding thread of his life.

He carried this truth for decades, its fire enduring until his passing at the age of ninety-three. In the end, our work had been a living enactment of the gospel of all seers, sages, and mystics—a gospel that proclaims not dogma, but the soul's liberation. It was a life lived in rhythm with the Wild Spirit of the Now, a path that led him through the doorways of this life and, at last, into the luminous threshold of the next.

And I reflect now on this dear patient. To have refused the bug-ridden room, to have declined regression into the old gospel of fear and guilt, to walk on, was to honor the sacred fire of his own nature.

He left the dream, as he left the session, as he left this realm and entered the next, with a smile—lightened, liberated, and attuned to the Wild Spirit of the Now.

There Is a Path

There is a path in life that is uniquely yours to walk. No one else can follow it—not fully, not truly. It is a soul-carved trail, etched into the unseen strata of your unconscious mind, revealed not all at once but step by step, a light beckoning you onward once your heart is ready.

Such a path does not announce itself loudly. It is discerned through moments of stillness, through perseverance during hardships, and through listening—deep and sustained—to the quiet murmurs of the psyche.

The soul communicates not only in crises but also in dreams, synchronicities, and intuitive pulses that emerge like flares from the unconscious. These are the mystic messages that arrive during your waking hours and while you sleep, empowering you with the knowledge of your inner self.

Psychologist Marlin Brenner, in The Therapist Within, offers valuable insights for this journey. He describes how dreams contain both regressive and progressive dynamics. The regressive pull seduces us toward familiar pain, inertia, or false safety—images that tempt us to stagnate or retreat.

In contrast, progressive symbols call us forward. They do not offer guarantees, only invitations into uncertainty, risk, and the radical openness of becoming. The dream, then, places us at a psychic crossroads, a moment where the soul and ego negotiate the next step.

I often remind patients that it is deceptively easy to stay stuck. Doing nothing feels safe, even rational. But there is a psychic cost. “If we stop, we drop,” I say, not to alarm but to reveal a time and pain-saving truth.

Stagnation is not neutral. It breeds symptoms, anxiety, and repetition. We go in circles, like a hamster on a wheel, chewing the same old wounds into deeper grooves.

Yet the psyche longs for evolution. It is teleological, future-focused, growth-oriented, and alive. Dreams are one of its sacred languages. They nudge us, push us, sometimes shake us. Yet, they do not coerce but inspire us to risk transformation, showing us that change is not only possible but inevitable.

And transformation means change. Not the cosmetic kind, but soul change—the alchemical process of becoming more truly oneself.

After forty years as a depth psychologist walking with others through emotional and spiritual crises, I have seen how even the darkest passages contain sparks of becoming. Possibility is always present. But it requires listening—not just to symptoms, but to images and symbols. Not just to fear, but to the faint whisper of destiny calling from the shadows.

The mystic-psychic path involves honoring the soul’s movement without forcing it. It requires discipline and surrender, as well as discernment and openness. To walk your walk means to remain faithful to the deep inner imperative not to abandon yourself when the way grows dark, not to mistake anxiety for a stop sign, or difficulty for misdirection. This resilience is what will guide you through the darkest of times.

Soul growth is not merely self-improvement. It is the unfolding of something sacred. It involves encountering moments of inner wholeness, often fleeting but nonetheless real. They offer glimpses of the Self in its fullness. These moments are not endpoints but initiations. They are thresholds into a mystery that continually deepens. And so, we are called not to complacency but to conscious evolution.

And so, I say: keep walking. Keep attuned to the images, dreams, and strange messages that arise from your depths. Keep risking the next unknown step. This is your path—your sacred trail into the great mystery that is life. The psyche, like the soul, knows the way.

Your only task is to listen and walk onward.

What Happens When You Dream . . .

It’s a terrible feeling not to dream; at least it is for me. Last night, I didn’t dream, or, better to say, I don’t remember dreaming. We dream about eight times a night, whether we remember dreaming or not. I got the COVID-19 vaccine for Fall 2025 the day before yesterday and the flu vaccine, one in each arm. And (I’ve never had this experience) I was jittery all night long. No sweats, headaches, aches, or pains. All was swell, I thought, by the time I hit the sack. Not so, my friend, not so.

Anyway, I slept better last night, but no dreams came through the mysterious pipeline that runs from the deep unconscious mind to the conscious world of remembrance. I feel a little off, like I didn’t see a friend I’d been looking forward to seeing all day. We missed each other. This is because my dreams put everyday life, personal attitudes, and ways I should go or not go into bold relief, shining a light where I’m (sometimes totally) in the darkness.

I look forward to the psychic lowdown! It’s vital since I’m a depth psychotherapist who treats the unconscious mind. My dreams often guide patient care, which proves helpful and, at times, vital in my practice. Also, I know their lingo of symbols, images, and straight talk that gets to the heart of the emotional matter. They’re a help in living what is often, for all of us, a rather confusing and convoluted but wondrous life.

It’s good to know that when you understand your dream message, you’ll always find it helpful and practical. It never puts you or anyone down. It sometimes communicates negative takes on people or situations, but it’s not to pass judgment. It’s simply to say the person or situation is not for you or that an adjustment needs to be made. Maybe you need an attitude change-up, or perhaps you need to move on. Either way, it’s helpful and practical.

Mainly, dreams pass on psychic clarity about you and your life. If you wonder what you should do about something, whisper to your unconscious before going to sleep that you’d like a dream. Chances are pretty good, especially as you get used to doing this that the dream will give you a thumbs up or down. Dreams could show a person you think is troublesome is good to have in your life. What you think you know about them is not spot-on. There’s more to them. To go on, dreams could tell you that a problematic happening has potential and that you need to stick with it. If the night’s dreaming isn’t clear, ask for clarity the next night. Your unconscious mind will get used to your taking it seriously and want to establish a relationship with your depths.

Dreaming is a marvelous resource, what Freud called the royal road to the unconscious mind. It’s been that for me for over fifty years. My patients learn to sensitize themselves to their dream world and find that, over time, a wealth of healing and growth is available. In my writing of metaphysical novels, dreams frequently guide my process. Characters pop up and speak to me, insights flash onto the dreaming stage and provide inspiration for a dramatic turn of literary events, and energy courses through visually that translate to particular scenes, conflicts, and destiny playing itself out.

So, give yourself time to consider tapping into the surprising and wonderful world of dreaming. I’ll help! Simply open your mind to the reality that dreams are not accidental happenings. They are part of life, and they are meaningful. As we proceed together, post by post, learning and experiencing more about the mysteries of the unconscious mind and the multidimensional realm of dreaming, you’ll discover insights that will make a positive and proactive difference in your life. William James, the father of American depth psychology, wrote about the Great Unseen, the invisible energies that influence our daily lives.

They, what mystics, seers, and shamans have for ages deemed spirits, abide in the deep unconscious and make their workings known in dreams. Together, let’s enjoy ourselves and move into one of life’s most nourishing kaleidoscopic facets, the mysterious world of sleep and dreaming. Give yourself time to adjust.

I’ll provide these posts as my psyche inspires me and my dreams open up with a bit to share with you. Last night, as I confided, I didn’t dream. I prefer to dream. I hunger to dream. There’s soul nourishment in your dreams. If you want, begin tonight and ask for help in a certain area. See what comes. Remember, when you dream, there is psychic information coming your way. You’ve got the spot-on message of the dream for you in your life when it touches you emotionally. It clicks! It’s helpful and practical.

Tend Your Inner Garden

 Forty years of practicing deep psychotherapy have helped me see that people can shed their burdens and find peace. You can discover a real and lasting peace of mind. It comes at a price: shedding what is not yours to do and instead tending to your own emotional and spiritual life, your inner garden.

 Recognizing personal responsibility and boundaries is a key to feeling empowered in your life. We often assume responsibility for people and situations that are not ours to tend to. For instance, you may take on the emotional burdens of your loved ones and feel responsible for their life choices. The reality is you've got your hands full with who you are and what your life is about.

Each day is sufficient unto itself, says the ancient wisdom text. This insight leads you to face what many find frightening: you are not responsible for other people's choices and how those choices affect their lives.

For decades, I’ve had the privilege of being a companion and witness to the transformative power of therapy. I've also seen that people can find their way through life's troubles on their own if treatment is unavailable or they choose to go it alone. There is no right or wrong way to heal, to tend to one’s inner garden.

 I walk with my patients on their emotional and spiritual journeys, a calling I hold with utmost respect and reverence. It is a sacred act, a healing ritual. You can be at peace as you heighten your awareness that you have it within you to tend to your emotional and spiritual journey. It is an inner capacity to be held with respect and reverence.

Together, in these writings, we cultivate your unique capacity to tune into the flow of your life with all its ups and downs, good times and bad. A healthy garden has both flowers and weeds. There’s no escaping this fact of nature. And there is peace in accepting that no garden is perfect and no life is always good.

So, every life has ups and downs, times of joy and sorrow, pain and beauty. Within them are challenges to be faced and lessons to be learned. And, as those who patiently see their way through and learn from these life realities discover, there is hope. William James, the father of American depth psychology, wrote in The Varieties of Religious Experience that hope is oxygen for the soul. And when your soul breathes, you are at peace.

You can find relief by finding the oxygen, the hope and light in every problem. This perspective shift can fill you with optimism and resilience. You reach this place as you grow into being willing to see what you need to see. Once the weeds in the garden are spotted and uprooted, things improve. Understanding brings resolution. You let go of negative mindsets and the need to handle problems that are not yours, and voila! Relief.

 Letting go is not a sign of defeat but rather a liberation. It's a powerful act that allows you to focus on cultivating quality of life and peace of mind. Summoning the courage to let go of anxious preoccupation and unnecessary involvement with others and their problems, especially when they are friends and family, is a significant step towards your freedom and empowerment.

 And so, you have the power to find your way through the labyrinth of your life with all its challenges and problems. It is up to you to do your inner work and gain helpful insight into your pains and problems. When you truly understand your emotions, dreams, and synchronous events, as I address in my writings, you will be helped to discover your unique path out of darkness and into light. You will learn to find peace as you learn to tend your inner garden.

* James, W. (1985). The varieties of religious experience: A study in human nature. Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press.

Nobody Else Can Do What Is Up to You to Do

Taking better hold of your life through your mind brings about a profound sense of personal empowerment. The saying "It's all in your head" is true. Your mind is where powerful thoughts, positive attitudes, and tangible manifestations in your daily life originate. The birth of beneficial thoughts for yourself and others is directly linked to your active intent to nourish what is good and life-giving in your mind. This is the real therapy of everyday life.

 What a powerhouse of energy lies within your mind and heart. When I say heart, it’s the same as mind or soul. For our purposes, they all point in the same direction, within the depths of your being. It’s a vibration, a vibe we call it. Is it a downer vibe? A good vibe? A vibe that lasts and bodes well for the future? If it’s good and does good for you and others, then that vibe is a real therapy vibe.

In his clinical therapy session, a fellow confided, "You've helped me pay attention to energy and how it shifts. It tells me when I'm going in the right or wrong direction. Is the energy hyped up or flat-lined? Both ways, too much and too little, are wrong directions. When I'm headed in the right direction, I feel grounded and balanced, a good kind of power. I feel empowered, not hyped up or flattened out."

I've treated many good people in depth psychotherapy for over four decades. Part of the process is learning that we can do only so much together. This is because the insights and energy we have gained take root well and deeply. Then, ardent souls are off and growing and ready to follow their own path.

Eventually, everybody has to go it alone. We then live as we choose, for good or bad, and hopefully always learn from mistakes. That's an empowered life, nourished on the soul food of insight and balanced energy.

So, the thoughts I'm sharing are real therapy thoughts. They aren't clinical therapy. We're not treating bad, disabling pain that's from terrible trauma. I'm simply giving you a little help along the way in your everyday life. You can find clinical therapy if needed, and please do if it calls your name. My thoughts here can help you get into treatment if you need it, and for some people, can help you, in and of themselves, live a little better, lighter, and happier.

I'm passing on simple, everyday real therapy thoughts for hungry minds and hearts. It's best to read slowly and let what speaks to you sink in.

Take a few moments after reading, close your eyes, and let your mind drift and settle. Settling time is when the thoughts and feelings go down and settle into your soul. The psyche—heart, mind, soul—metabolizes insight. What is most profound and best in you absorbs helpful insight and then feels better, lighter, and happier.

Insight gained in daily life is real therapy that nourishes you along your way. So, as the post draws to a close, finish up then close your eyes for a few moments, let your mind drift, and let your heart absorb insight, the real therapy of everyday life.

That’s all you need to do.

And nobody else can do what is up to you to do.

You Draw the Good to Yourself

You naturally draw the good to yourself. Good thoughts, feelings, and good happenings can come your way as crystal-clear water flows unimpeded through a mountain stream. Like stream water, it depends on there being no impediments. In daily life, there are obstacles because we live in an imperfect world. The psychologist Donald Winnicott wrote in his book Playing and Reality that our objective in a healthy life is to achieve what is good enough. 

To this, we would add that things needn’t be perfect, unimpeded, or without obstacles all of the time. There are and will be problems; there is no escaping that human fact. However, as gravity pulls water downstream once obstacles are removed, the dissolution of pathological negativism and destructive attitudes and relationships frees us to feel all that is good in life. In fact, the bad stuff, problems, and mistakes often have the most to teach. We stay open, learn, and grow from the good and the bad.

In weekly study groups, Dr. Michael Eigen, a long-time eighty-seven-year-old colleague living in New York, teaching at NYU, and having written more books than Freud, affirms that as healthy humans, we are opening, constantly opening, and changing. It keeps us on our psychic toes so that we don’t rest on our emotional rear end, drop to the ground, and refuse to go on when disappointment strikes. By staying with it through thick and thin, terrible happenings and wonderful inspiration have time to marinate, and voila! Something is created; the good things we draw to ourselves by staying open and seeing things through.

Another important psychic fact is that the difficult, the bad, and the worst are compostable. Tough stuff, trying circumstances, and troublesome relationships are there to teach us something. They’re compost in the heap of things, people, and situations that haven’t worked for us and even been traumatizing. The composting process breaks down the hurt, self-doubt, and horrid memories so that we feel what we need to feel and learn what we need to know.

By letting go and allowing the unconscious to compost bad and traumatizing experiences, healing and helpful mind/body memories can surface and establish themselves. They keep us from what hasn’t worked so we don’t make the same old mistakes. We have room to grow into what is new, even new mistakes! Remember, there’s stuff to learn even from fumbles and stumbles, sometimes especially from them. What matters is that we have the wherewithal to always keep moving on. As I tell my patients, the healthy psyche is a forward-moving and future-oriented psyche, moving toward and drawing to itself what is good and whole.

*Winnicott, D. (2005). Playing and Reality. Routledge.

There Is a Power for Good

We are creators, soul creators! It is from within us that our outer world is shaped and comes into being. Jesus wisely taught that the kingdom of heaven lies within. All energy, dark and light, lay in psychic utero, awaiting our readiness to birth what is most natural and authentic for us in our lives..

A patient told me, "You know, after working out and through my trauma, it's the good that's the real challenge. It's there. I can feel it. But it takes work to birth it. It's easy to go and stay dark and negative. It takes energy to sit with and birth the good." I added, "The thing is, after getting through all the bad stuff, we've come to see that we are soul creators. So it's in our best interest and that of the world to yield to and work with our power and the world's power for good."

There is a world soul. Plato wrote about what he called the single-world soul. In the Timaeus, Plato describes a pre-cosmic state of chaos, much like what sufferers of mental pain undergo before and during their journey toward wholeness. He further explains that in this state, there is discord and disorder. However, a Demiurge, an invisible force of benevolence, within and without, is at work to transform chaos, discord, and disorder into the good.

Admittedly, this is hard to believe amid painful times and overwhelming situations. However, despite belief or disbelief, the world soul, Demiurge, or what old religions have called God, is at work. One yogi told me that God is a mantra for all that is loving, light, and creative. It resonated. We needn't get hung up on words or descriptors; the critical reality is that there is an invisible force at work in all of us and life itself that constantly and forever is in motion toward all that is loving, light, and creative.

Therapy Talk Helps You Heal

It helps to talk. I don't mean just any talk. There's jibber-jabbering talk about trivial stuff that means nothing to anybody. It's jaw-flapping, a waste of time and energy. It goes nowhere and has no positive effect. And then there's another talking. It's heartfelt and meaningful. It comes out of concern, anxiety, and often much pain. It can also come from simply wanting to relate, speak, listen, and connect with another human being.

Genuine connection with people and self matters. Few are those who get there. After forty years of doing depth psychotherapy, treating the root of the problem and not just the symptom, I've seen that many folks do not truly connect with others. Symptoms of anxiety and depression, by and large, stem from people problems. Damaged bonds from childhood can disable our bonding ability with others and self. We can't connect in satisfying ways with others or be content with self. The answer to many of our psychic issues is discovering lasting connections.

Therapy talk helps you feel connected with self and others and satisfied with who you are and how you live. It happens when you go to a professional therapist and strike chords of sincerity and truthfulness. Therapy comes from the Greek word therapeia. It means healing. There's healing because things are honest, in the moment, and heart-to-heart. It's real talk. It can be soft or intense. It can be tender or firm. What matters is that it's two people emotionally touching. There are moments of clarity, emotional getting it, and relief in that psychological closeness. It's a healing and satisfying experience.

The article “Going Beneath the Surface: What People Want from Therapy” in the journal Psychoanalytic Inquiry states that people do not want quick-fix answers for psychological pain. Instead, they are willing to work hard over time to unearth the root of the problem. The article explores how therapy is a worthwhile investment in one's life and worth making. I would also add it is not only professional therapy that helps people root things out. When we hang in with relationships through thick and thin, as long as each person is working hard and is honest and engaged, there is hope for healing and growth. A colleague, still doing therapy after fifty years, once remarked, "If we just stick with it, change happens."

So, therapy talk helps you work life stuff through. Honest and sensitive everyday talk with those who matter to us also helps us feel better and heal. In the end, staying with the relationship conflict or personal pain and talking with another person who gets us, who understands, sets relief and healing in motion. All talk is therapeutic if it's based on felt truthfulness and understanding. And professional therapy talk intensifies the working through process. Therapy talk is talk that connects, understands, and heals.

Making Your Way Through Life

How we make our way through this life seems like an age-old question. Yet, if we’re honest, it speaks to an emotional reality that shakes us up. As a psychotherapist of forty years, I've seen it bring tormented souls to their knees, people crumbling into a psychic heap. I feel the weight of their sadness and the swirl of confusion whipping through their minds. It can disorient and alienate them because, before treatment, they've felt alone in their misery. Of crucial importance is we. We are all making our way, and we are not alone. Everyone has a path, and everyone is looking for answers.

A person complained, "Everyone on social media seems so together, their posts all about smiling people with perfect lives." Each time someone expresses feeling so alienated, I've had a mental flash of ailing psyches. We hide our soul ailments behind a façade of having it all together. It’s understandable, a defense against vulnerability. People hurt people and seek a point of vulnerability. So, we guard ourselves. Until we feel safe, there is pretense, even for the sincerest of us. So, there are no perfect people living perfect lives; there are real people staying guarded until they feel safe enough to come out from hiding.

Speaking of social media, this morning I posted, “Last night, I dreamt that at 69, I had officially left middle age and entered old age. Ha! I thought I left it a while back, but I don't argue with my dreams. This morning a news article reminded me of the words from '"Voltaire’s “Candide”: 'Il faut cultiver notre jardin”— “we must cultivate our garden.' The garden may be tiny and perhaps hidden, but it is mine to make of it as I want.' Leaving one time of life, entering another, and knowing what to leave behind and what now lies within our reach is contentment. I think it is good.”

I wrote this post knowing there is both goodness in the garden of my life and tricky spots. Weeds, misunderstandings, hurt, and pain creep into the most well-tended psychological gardens. You are a decent person living a relatively good life, trying your best. Yet, problems strike. A family member or two or three doesn't get you or feels you don't get them. And it's so frustrating! It happens to the best of us. But it's life and how it works, and we do our best to flow with it.

And there’s the snag—the flowing with it. It's not simply the good things but the bad ones too that are in the stream we call life. So often, patients have told me they thought therapy would help even things out. Their life would be put back together, their head straight, and things would be smooth sailing ahead. The fact is that therapy is only life on steroids. It pops things out so we can work with them, learn from them, and then either work them through or learn to adapt and cope with built-ins, the good and bad, the beautiful and painful.

The strange thing is that if we block out the bad and put on a happy face, it'll turn around and bite us on the rear-end. There’s no escaping emotions, they’ll backup and soon we’ll be swamped by too much distress, anger, or love. Denying the painful is obvious, but people also deny love. Then it too turns and demands our attention. Suddenly, we’re experiencing an obsessive crush or too much sexual energy. It’s all about the bad and good, painful and beautiful. So, leaning into the reality of the good and bad is what counts. As long as things stay real and human, we're off and running, flowing with the currents of our life.

Intuition of the Instant

We can receive answers to pressing questions quicker than we think. An open heart and sensitivity to intuition set you up for a miracle in a flash. It is instant insight. French philosopher, Gaston Bachelard, wrote about it in his book, Intuition of the Instant. The key is to listen. Take seriously the far-off idea or little inspiration. This inner urge lingers and doesn’t flit away. It has staying power. It keeps whispering what we need to hear, a message from life itself. It strives to propel us into a new attitude, way of living, and life situation.

For the past forty years, I’ve seen patients four days a week in depth psychotherapy. After clearing through trauma, anger, and fear—often for years—things start coming together. Patients listen to their intuition, a flash of instinct. We call it a gut feeling. They experience positive results more and more as they learn to trust it. And, like a muscle used and exercised regularly, the intuition of the instant grows stronger.

There’s a catch to listening and following the intuition of the instant. It’s that no one else may get it. But you do! You see what you need to see. You gain insight into a problem. You understand what path to take when at a crossroads. Those around might smirk and even scoff because it doesn’t seem to make sense. But after you’ve heard and followed the intuition of the instant, despite the scoffers, and your decisions bear fruit, deriders often pause, shake their heads, and admit you were on to something.

Once you are open to the intuition of instant, then little flashes of insight come. But, insight is like a turtle slowly poking its head out of its shell. It wants to know if you’re safe. Will you take care of it or hurt it by brushing it off? Once it sees the coast is clear, that you’re a safe vessel for wisdom, it will venture forward. Little insights lead to bigger ones as you take the first step to be a safe vessel. You listen, respect, and follow through. It’s a big step to take the first step, but it’s the only way to discover the intuition of instant. It will help you heal and grow stronger as a soulful person who receives answers to pressing questions by listening to the intuition of the instant.

A Radical and Evolving Openness

A hallmark of psychological health is openness, a radical and evolving openness. It’s ongoing. There’s no stopping it. But, if we’re uptight and rigid, we want to stop and quit the growing process. Then things go south.

We’re stuck and unhappy, and then insight may come to us that it just might be time to let go and grow. A patient shared a dream of being cornered, stuck. There was no way out. Fright gripped him to his core. As we talked about the dream, it dawned on him that he was just where he needed to be. It slowed him down, so he’d stop, reflect, and listen to what life was saying.

In his case, life had been a series of ups and downs, unceasing twists and turns. They wouldn’t stop. There was no way out. The dream said he was cornered, meaning he needed to stay put and let things play out. Not sure he could trust the wisdom of the dream, he consulted the I Ching, a divinatory book of change. The reading said all things were as they were destined to be. He returned for his next session more willing to be open to higher wisdom and trust.

I remember sitting in our session realizing that it can take cornering us to open us. We’re fenced in by life to help us open up and see, understand what we need to get on in life. Otherwise, we stay stuck, cornered. Life won’t let us off the path of healing and growth.

So, you might say, we’re in it to live it. There’s no out. I think it’s a good thing. My patients, over time, have first-hand experience of the positive effect of always leaning into what life brings. There’s always something vital to learn. As long as we’re open, we’ll see that problems are veiled opportunities to shed an old skin and grow into a new way of living, being, becoming.

I’ll admit this is a radical idea. Mainstream media and thought want us to believe that someone out there has it made. And we too, therefore, can one day have it made. Fact is, we have it made when we’re always making it. It’s the open-ended making of ideas, relationships, inspirations, shifts of perspective.

We’re beings of radical, evolving openness to what is and what we will become. Always being, always becoming—a radical evolving openness. So, thought for the day: a hallmark of psychological health is openness, a radical and evolving openness.

Open Up Your Heart and Dream

Everyone dreams. Open your heart and whisper before going off to sleep land, “I’m open to dreams and whatever they tell me tonight.” This is enough to get the dream juices flowing. Dreams will feel more welcome and speak to you, and the more you listen, the more they will come with vivid and helpful images.

 Opening your heart is easy to say but hard to do. You may think you’ve done it, and then nothing comes. The dream well remains dry. There’s a reason for this. It often lies in a hidden fear of what we will encounter. If this happens to you, meditate on what you might be most afraid of. For many people, it’s the simple act of letting go that makes opening up to dreaming so hard.

 Control is good; too much control is not. You may be the type who holds on tight to your emotions and does not permit a sense of freedom of feeling and expression respectful of self and others. There, there's going to be problems dreaming. The channels are clogged. Too much control, as on patient aptly described, “ . . . means that I’m afraid to let go and grow.”

 So, the question is, how are you afraid of letting go and growing? You might fear facing something about someone you care about or thought you cared about. One person related the following dream, “I was alone in a dense forest. I’d been there. It was deep in the Sangre de Cristo Mountains in Santa Fe. From a distance, I saw my husband. He was in the everyday world, separate from the forest, a bustling city. Turning a corner, he stepped into a bar, sat at the counter next to a woman. They knew each other—intimately. The dream stopped, I awakened, tears streaming down my cheeks.”

 The meaning of the dream spoke to her marriage and what she feared. Before entering therapy, she had sensed the problem from afar. Intuition had nudged. It told her to listen to her surge of mistrust toward her husband and his frequent business trips. She had dismissed this intuition. For over two years, she ran from what needed attention in her marriage. Finally, anxiety brought her to my office. She hadn't dreamt for two years.

 Dreams stopped because emotions were blocked. Anxiety due to blocking feelings primed the pump for truth-facing. Images surfaced from her unconscious mind and dramatized the truth behind her marriage. It was not the marriage she had painted in her mind; the illusion shattered.

 As fate would have it, the night she was to speak to him of her misgivings, he approached her. Business problems propelled an otherwise faithful husband of twenty years to have a brief affair. He broke off the affair and entered treatment. His own therapist guided him to come clean with his wife. They entered marital therapy and were able to, over time, heal a deep wounding of their relationship.

 Opening your heart to dreams, whisper to your unconscious mind before you go to sleep: "I'm open to dreams and whatever they tell me tonight." Because you're reading this book of practical guidance, your unconscious mind will know to speak practically. Once you've seen what you need to see, things will be set in motion both within and without. All it takes is for you to open your heart and dream.

GEt Well . . . Slowly

Forty years into treating patients in psychotherapy, and I’m still struck by how people want to get well—quickly. Health-minded folks hear the siren call to run to the next “healthy fix.” Going from one health fad to the next inevitably leaves you high on what’s new then ground down by disappointment. Yet another get-well-quick promise dashes you against the rocks.

The inner draw to be well is natural. It’s enchanting, ever-present, and elusive. As one person it, “There’ always been something in me saying I could make it. At some point, I’d find what I’ve been looking for. I’d be well. But, I never reached it.” After time spent soul work, they said, “It’s strange, I’ve found well being but it’s different than I thought—it’s there but always changing, shifting. Always more to grow into.”

So often, I run across those who, as I say, mainline bliss. It’s spiritual bypassing. These folks get a temporary bliss fix. It’s trying to obtain goodness without doing the work. They get blissed out, high on meditation, religion, yoga, and mind-altering substances. These may have a place when appropriately used. At least for a while, they may provide relief from stress and induce calmness. However, there is the inevitable let-down. Turning outside for what can be found only inside leaves us in a spiritual nowhere land.

Sensing the desire for good feelings is a good thing! Now, there’s work to do. Good feelings call to us, then we need to do the work. There are lifestyle issues, emotional and spiritual issues, and relationship issues to sort through. Getting well doesn’t happen without doing work. Facing what we need to face, to stop going so fast and turn within, to slowly do inner work opens us to growth! Paraphrasing my patient, well being is there for you. But it’s different than you thought. And there’s always more to grow into.

A Sustained Will to Live

In the midst of stress and chaos, we can be sane. We can find our way. But it helps if we have someone to turn talk with, understand what we experience and suffer. I’ve been seeing psychotherapy patients for forty years, listening to feelings, memories, and dreams. There’s been much healing and progress for many. For others, they’ve got a little of what they needed and then move on. And, you and I meet up on this blog post. It’s our way of talking. Each page has one insight for reflection, a little something gained from years as a therapist and human being attempting his best to understand self and others.

 In stressful moments, I find that staying true to what we are feeling, in a non-hurtful way, helps. There’s no lashing out at others or self-recrimination. We let the emotion run its course and eventually speak to us. There’s something to learn from vital feelings. If we don’t act out, instead settle ourselves and, if possible, talk, listen more, reach an understanding, then clarity comes. It usually is in the form of an Ah-Ha! Moment. The clarity is striking, however subtle or obvious. Your head clears, and the relationship begins to heal.

 Right now is a lovely time to be alive because, at this moment, we’re engaged with one another. I’m passing on my inspiration. There’s a reaching out that I feel, an empathic stretch your way. Maybe, just maybe, I’m touching on something meaningful for you. I hope so. You know, chaos and stress will always be here. There’s no way out of people problems, no way out of the pull toward negativism in our head. But, we can resist the pull, resist the downward tug, resist despair. And as William James, father of American psychology, noted in The Varieties of Religious Experience, it is the virtue of hope that offers the sustained will to live in a stressful world.

Where There's Symptoms, There's Meaning

Don’t Ignore Your Symptoms

in depth psychology, the realm of emotion and spirit, we listen to our personal and societal symptoms. When there's trouble, there's meaning - something to learn. In the words of James Hillman, founder of archetypal metapsychology we read, " . . . not to ignore our symptoms and pathologies, nor to take them literally and act from them. He asked us to listen to them, as mysterious messengers, who might have something important to tell us. Until we can do so, as individuals and as a nation, things will continue to fall apart, and we will continue to destroy whatever elements of an imagined past greatness still remain.”

What the old psychologist spoke of here was the importance of listening and learning to what ails us. Symptoms are the messengers of the soul. A patient told me that for years they suffered chronic lower backache near their rump. Dream images repeatedly suggested they were hard on themselves. One, in particular, showed them carrying a load of rocks on their back up a mountain. They expected themselves to do this arduous and meaningless act. In a session, they stated, “I see how I’ve been expecting too much of myself. I’ve been my own pain in the a**!” Meaning struck home, resonated within, and helped them to ease up in life.

Soul Messengers

Sometimes meaning comes when an unexpected person comes our way. They speak to the problem weighing us down. Their words stay with us. People can be soul messengers. So, it’s best to approach each relationship with an open heart and a willingness to learn. You may be entertaining an angel unawares.

For me, people messages are as moving as dream insights and intuitive flashes. People can hurt us and people can help us heal. We know the ones to listen to and how to absorb what they have to share. There’s a sense of trust in a trustworthy person. These types of people are soul messenger.

Life Gives Symptoms and Meaning

There’s healing, true healing once we discover meaning in the symptoms we suffer. Without understanding the emotional and spiritual message behind the pain, we’re only receiving a topical aid. It won’t go far. Symptoms will return in another form. Healing comes and stays when meaning is unearthed.

Be open to the meaning behind the symptom you’re suffering. Don’t be afraid to turn within and consider that you may be responsible for generating your own troubles. Sure, others may be involved. A situation may be horrid. But, you’re the one opting to participate. Figure out what’s going on behind the symptom and meaning will take root in your heart and stir you to change.

Where There's Pain There's Cure

Pain Carries the Seed of Cure

More than we think, we as adults generate our psychic sufferings. We don’t think we do, but we do. We’re immensely biased to believe our problems come from outside of us. Often, they come from the inside. Of course, external childhood and adulthood traumas are real and take root in the psyche. They dig in and can cause an endless cycle of problems and illnesses. But one day, we realize that what came from the outside is now inside and needs attention. Otherwise, everything is projected outward and becomes traumatic, emotional drama after drama playing out in our life like an onstage play. Fortunately, psychic pain always carries the seed of its own cure. 

We Have a Choice

Patients in depth psychotherapy are caught in a whirlwind of relational pain and hoped-for cure. Life hangs in the balance. Over time, individuals learn to turn within and reflect on themselves and their life. Insights often unearth dark energies that have stirred up life troubles and uncannily drawn bad situations and dysfunctional people their way. It seems like bad things just happen out of the blue. But, when we take time to learn from our feelings and dreams, we come to see that there’s a reason for them. Then, we’re ready to understand that we can do something about our predicament.

 Humanistic and phenomenological depth psychology teaches about the reality of self-empowerment. Even in horrid predicaments, we have a choice. In an online professional listserv with other psychologists today, we talked about the ability to choose. I related a saying that we have a good dog and a bad dog in us. Which one lives depends on which one we feed. We keep feeding the emotional drama by blaming others rather than stopping and looking closely at ourselves and our life.

 Begin Your Healing Process

Our ability to choose empowers us to begin our own healing and growth process. People look for a different locale or a partner to change things up for them—make them happier. It doesn’t work. Outer changes don’t automatically translate to inner changes. We have to start with coming to terms with the dark emotions and dreams on the inside, then we stand a good chance of changing the outside for the good.

 Slowly and painfully, patients listen to vital feeling states and dreams. Emotions and dream symbols open up vistas of experience that lead to a greater understanding of self and others. Off in the distance, a light starts to faintly glow at the end of a dark emotional and spiritual tunnel. Along the way, step by step, we deal with buried feelings, set our attitudes on course, and let go of dead-end relationships. Dream images guide us along the way, inch by inch through the dark tunnel. Then, the light at the end of the tunnel grows brighter. Light dawns only after sensitive and patient turning within, soul tending.

 Pain is There—Cure is There

A person I knew socially complained about not sleeping. He asked me what I thought. I remarked that sometimes we don’t sleep because we fear our dreams. We run from going down deep into the unconscious mind, the realm of sleeping and dreaming. He resisted going to bed, nervous behaviors keeping him up till all hours. Headaches developed. Other physical symptoms followed. Some weeks later, he said that what I told him kept coming back to him. Our meeting again was a sign, he said, that he needed to take my words to heart. I encouraged him once again to allow extra time for sleep and rest.

 The pain was there, so I knew the cure was also there. Resistance to inner truth generates physical and psychic pain. He finally succumbed to sleeping more regularly. Dreams followed. They detailed relationship conflicts he had refused to face, decisions needing to be made and followed through with.

 I’m not sure how things went for this man since I haven’t seen him for some time. But I do know that once dark realities are brought to light, the potential to heal is set in motion. Once we see what’s wrong, we can find some clarity about what we can do to set things right. It’s never easy, but the tough going of following through with necessary life changes is a hundred times better than the misery of staying stuck. We initiate our cure by understanding that psychic pain always carries the seed of its own cure.

Feel the Hope

As a psychologist in training, I remember a deeply nourishing exchange with a supervisor that kindled my understanding of hope and healing. “Healing calls for hope. As a therapist, you’ve got to feel it for the patient. If you don’t, it would be best to refer them to someone you feel might be better for them. Maybe they simply would benefit from medication or need a neurological workup. Not everyone is ready for or needs therapy. But, if they come your way, check in with your feeling of hope. Is it there? Do you feel it for them? If so, then there’s potential for healing. Move forward and do your best, and they’re likely to find healing.”

 William James, father of American depth psychology, wrote in The Varieties of Religious Experience “let . . . hope be the atmosphere which man breathes in . . . and his days pass by with zest.” There are those who shield themselves from hope. It takes exertion of self to hope. You put yourself into it, the vital emotion of it requiring energy, an investment of self. People are afraid. I understand, but I also get it that to retreat into negativism, cynicism, and despair ends up at the end of a very dark and go-no-where back alley. It helps nothing and no one.

 But when hope is the real deal, you feel it from your core. It’s not concocted. It’s not a fly-by feeling—a wisp of sentiment or superficial thought. No, genuine hope comes from the gut, it grabs hold and digs in then looks to you to give it expression. When we take the step to feel the hope, then it blooms. It provides energy, gray and black clouds lift. We can do things and move ahead.

 A patient walked into my office, their countenance dark, and their attitude dismal. They were in the grip of despair. They reported this dream: “I was at the edge of a cliff, a black abyss down below. Instead of stepping back, which I should have done, I stepped off and went down. When I woke up I felt depressed.” We explored the power of the symbolism. They were at the edge and the dream said they had a choice—to step off or not. Off they went. “It’s always been easier to go down the tube for me. I just let go and don’t try. I step off the cliff instead of taking the energy to move back and away.”

 What a compelling psychic scenario this dream painted. The patient was more empowered than they had admitted to themselves. They became conscious of their ability to exercise greater control over attitude and self-empowerment. Generative feeling states can be nurtured. Again, they’re not whipped up, they’re not inflated self-talk that comes from baseless notions. No, they spring from genuine inspiration. The soul whispers, You can deal with this. Move on it!

 I noticed when that patient stepped into the consultation office, my hope did not waver. I knew and felt to my core that despite how bad they looked, hope and the potential for healing was present. I felt it deep inside. By the session’s end, the clouds had lifted, their mood lighter. They left feeling self-empowered and that they could fix what they had messed up. So, word for the day is—keep the hope, nourish the hope, and the hope will heal and transform your life and your soul.

What It Takes to Change

Change takes time, months, and years or can happen instantly. It depends on where we are in life. Everyone says they want to heal and change, but the real thing, the stuff of true wholeness, requires a deep breath and a plunge. So, it’s frightening—easy to say, mind-shattering to engage.

A patient reported the following dream. “I was standing on the edge of a cliff. It was a drop down to the ocean. I wasn’t afraid. But I was. The roar of the ocean, winds sweeping across my body, and I teetered. I had to let go, drop. There was no way out. I woke up and decided I needed to get into therapy, do dreamwork, and see what was going on with me.”

Inevitably, today there will be a crisis. It could come in the form of a dream, or relationship conflict, or a sudden turn of events that smack you right where it counts. The original Greek meaning of the word crisis is turning point, a crossroads where we have to make a decision about which way to go. We will have choices today that will determine the course of the morning, afternoon, and evening. These are micro-crises, little decisions, turning points.

For the patient I mentioned, they never dropped into the ocean. In the dream, they stood frightened and paralyzed but did choose to enter depth psychotherapy. Then, they dreamt again, and they dropped down and down and down. It’s where they needed to go—into the vast ocean of soul. Over time dream images spoke to them about hidden things, mysteries that couldn’t be fathomed without dropping down and under. Inevitably, they led to a vast overall of perspective, relationships, and life itself.

Crisis is the time for change. Crisis signals a turning point. Crisis times/changing times can be moment to moment, in a single day, or at intervals in the life span. Babies are in crisis at birth, the mother in crisis, crisis hitting in adolescence, adulthood constant shattering old ways. Ahhh….soul evolution is a crisis!

We try to shield ourselves from soul crisis/change. Overly used life stuff — toomuchitis — numbs the pain that could clear the mind and propel the change. Instead, we eat too much, drink too much, exercise too much, do too much and discover a state of no more feelings. Then, emotions return and turn sideways and can go dark and destructive with a vengeance. It’s the psychological day after syndrome, the emotional hangover, from dipping into toxic unfeeling, not feeling, no feeling.

Toxic mind is irritable, negative, depressed and cranky, has no joy in anyone or anything. Thank goodness, we can steady ourselves and listen to that state of mind. It too is a crisis. It too speaks of change. It too has in it the capacity to turn our life around. A change of attitude, a reckoning with a conflicted relationship, a setting about a task we’ve tried to wiggle out of, is a beginning.

What it takes to change is a willingness to open up and begin. Stopping where we are right now, taking stock of the crisis we’re in, and deciding to do something about our life gets the wheels of change going. Listen to the pain, it speaks to you. Trust the pain, it has a message. Take the good but challenging step that pops into mind and forever transform your life.

That’s what it takes to change.